DCLastCall Musings

Fallen off the map

2005-11-27T22:50:00.000-08:00

Yes, I am alive. Although exhausted. No excuses though. For the last two weeks I have taken a significant hiatus from my the blog world.

I am only 8 hours from leaving for Bogota, Colombia. I hope to post some of my experiences as time permits, but since I am traveling for work, continue to expect little from me.

Thanks,

- The management.

Ticket to Anywhere -- Suggestions?

2005-11-16T11:10:00.000-08:00

A friend of mine has offered to sell me a United Airlines Worldwide Economy voucher good for anywhere that United Airlines travels direct. Co-share airline partners do me no good.

Unfortunately, it expires on December 31, 2005. So all travel must be completed by then. I am looking to travel over Christmas and to return on December 31, 2005.

My first choice was to travel to Bangkok, Thailand, but all economy flights are booked.

Any suggestions on where I can travel? Note, the flight will only cost me $250 +taxes, so it needs to be an exotic location. However, I need to be able to afford the lodging and cost of living...

Please help me.

DcLc

Can you jump my bones?

2005-11-15T08:10:00.000-08:00

A close friend of mine is a police patrol officer in a northern Virginia jurisdiction. She works nights. She relayed the following funny story to me.

"The other night at about 3 AM, I decided to do some proactive foot patrol in a neighborhood that is known for late night drug activity. And the best place to hide my marked cruiser is in the cemetary adjacent to that neighborhood. While I was only gone for 20 minutes, my POS car battery died, leaving me stranded. Not surprised as midnights always gets the shit equipment, I hit my supervisor up on my NexTel. 'Hey Mike, I am at the cemetary. Can you come down here and jump me?'" Recognizing how funny this sounded, she admitted that she even added a bit of sultriness to her voice when she called him. What she could never timed better, was that her supervisor, in the company of another officer at a 24 hour diner, was placing his breakfast order with the waitress. My friend continued, "Poor Mike turned beat red as several patrons turned to stare at him... without loosing a beat, he told the waitress 'I will have that to go'".

Look closely, that is a playground in the background.

Loveless? I don't think so.

DcLc

Happy Birthday United States Marine Corps - Semper Fi

2005-11-10T08:15:00.000-08:00

God bless the Marine Corps, and all those who serve so that we may continue to enjoy our liberty!

"The Marines I have seen around the world have the cleanest bodies, the filthiest minds, the highest morale, and the lowest morals of any group of animals I have ever seen. Thank God for the United States Marine Corps!"
- Eleanor Roosevelt, First Lady of the United States, 1945

"Some people spend an entire lifetime wondering if they made a difference in the world. But, the Marines don't have that problem."
- Ronald Reagan, President of the United States; 1985

"Retreat Hell! We're just attacking in another direction."
- Attributed to Major General Oliver P. Smith, USMC, Korea, December 1950.

"People sleep peaceably in their beds at night only because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf."
- George Orwell

Semper Fi!

DcLc

Inner Voice - "Hit the Snooze Button Again... And Again"

2005-11-09T03:33:00.000-08:00

In my previous posting, I mentioned that today I would describe my activities from the last weekend. I also mentioned that I would discuss the "inner voice", well, the same inner voice that I wish to describe kept telling me to go to sleep early last night so I could get a fresh start today. Early this morning, the same but louder voice kept saying "hit the snooze... hit the snoozzzzzzz". Now that I find myself in a hurry to post something to keep this blog fresh, I give you the last of my Vegas/Grand Canyon photos.

My sister and I had rented a 2005 Mustang for the trip. Here I am meeting Arizona's finest. I was caught on radar doing 93 MPH in a 65. I say Arizona's finest because he let me off with a stern warning. Cookie - be warned, that car can move!

During the troopers advisement that he could have impounded my rental car, thrown me in jail, and had the jailers perform a full cavity search, Katherina meandered off to meet the locals. One very nice local, who took great interest in my sister, was the below gentlemen. Immediately following my reprieve, I joined the tail end of their conversation. Actually, it was a one sided conversation where she was just fake smiling and nodding (to be polite) while he rambled on about his past lives as a cowboy, a gold miner, a confederate soldier, and in one other life he thought he was a famous vaudeville performer. Again, a very nice gentlemen, who frightened us VERY MUCH!
We were having such a great time driving accross a barren desert, we did not even consider stopping for gas or water! Let the good times roll. By the grace of god, on mere fumes (sputter... sputter... sputter...) we made it to a gas station. Adjacent to the gas station was a RV park which surprisingly for this particular locale was empty. However, the photo opportunities were way to good to pass up. This is why I love Kat so much, she really can appreciate a good joke.
To me, this photo represents individual achievement/failure. This is a kin to Chris Farley on Saturday Night Live, "I live a trailer, down by the river".
Hungry? Try the Road Kill Restaurant, where nothing goes to waste.
We are in the friggin desert! Parking is at a premium?

I just liked this old school billboard. This is a taste of Americana.
I leave you with this final shot of me. At the time of the photo, I was standing beside one of the great wonders of the world, and I believe I was thinking "Did I leave the iron on?"

DcLc

Tap... Tap... Is this thing working? Tap... Tap...

2005-11-07T22:56:00.000-08:00

Ah, I have not had a chance (motivation) to post in the last couple of days. I have several funny stories and experiences I wish to share in the coming days, I just need to collect my thoughts, get off my ass, and write them up.

As a teaser, I encourage you revisit tomorrow so you can read about my weekend events that included the following quotes/excerpts:

"Inner Voice", "Wall of flesh", "Did you see those Ugg Boots?" and "That sure is a lot of Seamen".

I know, captivating!!!

DcLc

Tongue Thai'd

2005-11-04T06:02:00.000-08:00

Last night I went to dinner at a very good Thai restaurant. The wait staff is primarily all little Thai ladies. Each server wears black pants, black dress shirt and a tie. Either they are told the wear the tie very short (the widest part of the tie lies on their sternum, or the ties are designed in that fashion. It reminds me of the ties from the seventies.

After finishing my second beer, I turned to get our servers attention. It became apparant that I had summonsed the wrong server, not that it matters, but my friend sternly pointed out that I had called the wrong lady. Without hesitating I retorted, "Hey, who can tell who's who, with all these little ties running around". Between the eruption of laughter from my friend and the change in the server's composure, I realized that the server heard "... with all these little Thai's running around". It was very much a Seinfeld moment.

I left a 30% tip.

DcLc

"It's Over Johnny! It's Over!" well, I hope it is...

2005-11-01T00:04:00.000-08:00

HOLY SMOKES! I just received an email that I passed my George Washington Graduate Comprehensive Exams!

This is such a relief. If all else goes as planned, I will graduate in June 2006. Hey, it's only been 3 years...

A party is in order, just not right now! In keeping with my long time promise, it will include an open bar and a moon bounce (long story).

Bear with me. This is a huge deal considering what I managed to endure while I was attending school.

Although I still need to finish this semester and take one additional elective course in the spring, its all down hill from here. All I can think about at this point is, 'damn I am broke!'

DcLc

P.S. Above is an actual photo of my desk during one of my weekends when I was 24 hours shy of submitting a research paper.

“How adorable! May I pet him?”

2005-10-28T08:38:00.000-07:00

Ok you naughty types, mind out of the gutter please. The above quote is in regards to another great place to meet single and available men (much like myself). The local pet store. Now, significant caution must be applied here. Any decent pet store will have some sort of adoption section where you can interact with multiple animals all seeking a loving home. Being a cat lover, its tough to ignore. My advice, stay out of that section, at least until you see someone you just can’t resist sinking your claws into.

A large pet store like Petsmart is a great place to go initially. They actually encourage their patrons to bring their pets in while shopping. Seriously ladies, what better opportunity to initiate a comfortable conversation with a man than to ask permission to pet his little/big critter? A man caring for his pet can be a good indicator of stability and caring. Especially if they are playfully interacting with their pet. Your body language plays a lot into this whole encounter. First, if you kneel down and start to pet his dog/cat/iguana, he is likely going to kneel beside or across from you, which pretty much puts you both close proximity, and at equal eye level. Also, by kneeling down beside the pet, you take on a less aggressive pose that can very quickly lower his anxiety of suddenly having to present himself in some formal fashion in effort to best advertise himself. Best-case scenario, the conversation can lead to an invitation to join him and his pet at the park. Worst case, the man has worse breath than his pet.

If you are really into some creepy stuff, hang out in the reptile section with the snakes, spiders and lizards. If nothing else, it’s a nice place to warm up with the heat lamps and all.

My self I own a cat, so it’s not very likely you will see me leading her around a store. And, while I have determined that there is nothing really sexy about me toting bags of cat liter under each arm, nothing prevents me from pursuing the aquatic section prior. Most guys, to include myself, don’t really make it a habit of hanging out in a pet store, BUT, it’s all about creating opportunities to approach and/or be approach by another with similar interests.

The last point associated with initiating discussions with men in pet stores is that most men won’t have a prepared relationship cover story. In the bar scene, the guy knows to avoid any mention of his girlfriend or wife (assuming that there is one). In the pet store, when talking about a pet, the sentences “my girlfriend” or “my wife” is usually unconsciously disclosed very quickly, leaving you to quickly tuck your tail and scoot without further heavy petting.

Feedback please.

Adventures in Hardware

2005-10-25T19:35:00.000-07:00

Today I was mentally reviewing what my immediate errands were. As I mapped out my excursion, I realized that so often I find my self in business locations frequented by a variety of people, but not necessarily single women. It seems that many women have overlooked these opportunity spots, or they are not there when I am. For the benefit of guys like myself, and for the women who are looking for guys like me, over the next week (depending upon reader response) I will provide some of the places you should find yourself visiting this weekend to increase your odds of meeting that someone special (or even that someone average…).

Home Depot – Tools are like catnip for men. If Home Depot were to market hardware scent cologne for men, it would sell like gangbusters! I dare suggest that a well-stocked hardware store creates similar euphoria in men, as a Steve Madden shoe store does for women. Not every tool is right for every man, and don’t be fooled by the hype, there IS a specific tool for each job, just as there outfits specific to each type of social event. A man’s tool belt can never sufficiently support all our tools, so that’s why we migrate to tool sacks and tool chests. During any visit, men of all shapes, sizes and intellect meander between the bountiful aisles like a child in a candy store. Seriously though, many single, middle-aged men own/rent homes and by the very nature of being a man, want to repair something. For a woman, you could not pick a better location to meet such a variety of men, in their most natural state of dress and behavior, unlike when you see them in a bar. From a distance, you can size up your prospective mate, and you have plenty of opportunity to move closer without any commitment of discussion/interaction. Hey, coincidences happen. For example, you see a prospective male in the hammer section, so you walk up beside him and you act as if you browsing around for the specific that just happens to be on the shelf that is directly in front of him. In this scenario, lets say it’s a sledgehammer. Initiating a dialogue can be as simple as “Do you prefer the 10lb or 20 lb sledge (learn the lingo)?” See how simple that is? And if he suddenly creeps you out, you need only to drop the 20lb sledge on his foot and run to the next guy.

Ok, this is not a earth shattering suggestion of where to introduce yourself to prospective male suitors, but it’s my way of increasing the opportunity to meet interested women in places that are often overpopulated with men.

DcLc

From Rags to Riches

2005-10-22T10:32:00.000-07:00

Sabrina was gleefully checking out the water works this morning. As you may have already read in my previous posts, my house is under major renovation. Specifically I am having 3 of the four bathrooms in my townhouse renovated... simultaneously.

I spent the morning fixing what should have been a fully functional tiolet! Why am I writing about this? Well, only a few hours later, I was groomed and dapper for a huge charity gala in DC.

I am the modern man! I can play handyman and be a high level socialite in the same day!

DcLc

Operation Eden - Check it out

2005-10-22T02:38:00.000-07:00

I love photography. What's more, I love to see the photography of other amateurs. My favorite type of photography is candid shots of people.

The blog Operation Eden is "A personal chronicle of what hurricane Katrina has done to my poor proud people".

As the author suggests, start from the bottom and scroll upward. Its gut wrenching and inspiring at the same time.

You have come this far, just spend 10 minutes visiting his site and let me know if it was worth it. I dare say it will be.

DcLc

"Damn I am really cold"

2005-10-21T13:22:00.000-07:00

Here is a quickie for you all.

I went to lunch with my favorite co-worker. Let's just call her "D".

While we were sitting in Bertucci's, I mentioned no less than 3 times that I was rather cold.

D suddenly cocked her head, looked me straight into the eyes, and said:

"You had better MAN UP you little bitch!"

Damn, it was so funny... and *snicker* it was sort of a turn on.

DcLc

Courtesy flush please

2005-10-19T15:46:00.000-07:00

Some one on the second floor of my office building posted this in the stall of the men's room. Too funny not to share.

I suppose the next sign should be, "Please put the seat down!"

Speaking of flushing, yesterday evening, just prior to the Blogger HH, I got a call from my general contractor to say that were unable to open the water main back up. Apparently, the faucet broke in the off position! They are unable to fix the situation until this morning... leaving me to bathe with one gallon jugs of water from 7-11! It took tremendous self control not to make dooty as my tiolets don't flush. Although in a pinch, I could always use the cat's litter box. I have been assured that I will have water service when I return this evening. If not, I heading for Holiday Inn!

DcLc

Vegas - The real story

2005-10-18T22:40:00.000-07:00

Ok, the cat's out of the bag. Although the photos from my previous post about my Vegas adventure were legit, we did not actually have such a traumatic experience as I attempted to portray. The following is a more realistic report on my adventure.

Our real rental car (4 wheels=no extra charge)
Our legit hotel was the Boardwalk. It is conviently located beside a CVS and Hotel New York, New York. We spent the first night in a "smokers room" which almost ruined the trip. It was foul! Everything stunk. However, the very next day they moved us to a non-smoking room which was really nice. In fact, the room had been renovated quite nicely. My sister and I both really don't like clowns (why? I don't know, we just don't). So we were very amused that we selected the only hotel on the Vegas strip that had a friggen enormous clown head affixed to the building.
While in Vegas we only caught one show, but it was so worth it. We saw Zumanity, by Cirque Du Solel. It was incredible!Dressed as we are in the above photo, my sister and I descended the elevator to the hotel lobby. When we boarded the elevator, we made the acquaintance of a man who was probably 24 years of age. I must note that he had a strange resembelance to the comedian, Patton Oswalt. He was wearing some rock concert shirt that seemed to have been washed at least 15 times, but just not in the recent past.

Anyway, he opened the dialogue with "So, where are you two headed all dressed up?"
Kat explained that we had tickets to see Zumanity.
Patton replies, "Oh, that's cool. You should also check out the shows at the Excalibur Hotel. They have real combat with Medieval weapons!"
Me - "Oh, thats neat. Isn't that the place you eat with your hands while you watch the show?" (snicker)
Patton - Excitedly "Yeah! Its really cool. You should go tonight, they serve huge Turkey legs!"
Kat (strict vegatarian) - "Ok, thanks." Continues to make her escape with Patton in pursuit.

Anyway, its very easy to make friends in Vegas.

Vegas definetly is a great place to walk around and blend in. The Wynn Hotel, lame as it appears outside, is amazing on the inside. Total decadence.

In my previous Vegas post, I mentioned how well my sister and I get along. As a result, she takes every opportunity to embarrass me when she can. A few hours before our flight home, we stopped at Baja Fresh for lunch. The place was super busy; present were business women and men, about 8 firemen, countless students from UNLV, etc. Once I mentioned to her that I was really sad that the trip was going to be over soon and that I would not get to see her again for a few months. At the top of her lungs in a pained voice she exclaimed "Are you breaking up with me?!" Holy smokes, I felt like EF Hutton! The place went completely silent, all eyes were on me, and I just slithered down into my seat. Thankfully, business returned to normal as quickly as it had seized to a halt. Bitch, I owe you big for that one.

Unfortunately, I am running out of steam to write this evening. In closing, I leave you with the best quotes and observations that came from my journey to Sin City.

Best bumper sticker – “Driver carries no cash. He’s married.”

Best place to see a hooker – Ceaser’s Palace. We overheard a young lady talking "business" with three males. She was explaining how she normally charges $300 for one, but she was only going to charge them $350 for three. Vegas is full of bargins! These boys looked like Pavlov's Dogs, and she had just rung the dinner bell.

Best Vegas style casino advertisement – “Bikini Bull Riding”, Cold Beer… Dirty Girls. Mud Wrestling.” Refer to photo in last Vegas post.

Best quote - “I look so good, I should spank myself.” I will let you imagine who came up with that one.

Best inquiry while touring the Vegas Strip at 3 AM - "Where are all the beautiful people?"
Best answer to that question - "Beautiful people are at the club; not walking the strip."

Good night!

DcLc

Hot Dental Hygienist

2005-10-18T00:22:00.000-07:00

This morning I went to my dentist for my six month cleaning. I have been using this dentist for about a year and a half and although I have a huge phobia of dental offices, the primary dental hygienist has me coming back as often as possible.

She is a petite little minx, with dirty blond hair, pulled back into a pony tail. I love it when she reclines the chair back and hovers over me. She maintains all her facial features with significant care, smooth warm skin, warm hazel eyes, long subtle neck, and such a broad smile. What's even better is that we flirt the entire time. Oh, did I mention she used to be a Redskins Cheerleader! Meow!

Unfortunately, she married. Maybe that is what makes these encounters so appealing. Mmmm.

Click. I just reset the counter. Six months and counting down...

DcLc

Its not the destination, its the journey

2005-10-15T03:19:00.000-07:00

My recent trip to Vegas was something else I tell you. Wow. We had such a blast. I really want to write out in great detail my experiences but that would just take to long. I will however, share some of my favorite photos in addition to some narrative comments. Note, I traveled with my sister who is a huge believer in living below your means. Saving money, even while on vacation, equates to "keeping it real".

My sister and I are extremely close. The bond we share is much more significant than that of most siblings. We really understand and appreciate one another as if we were born as twins. And when we are together, the combined energy and humor is so strong that even strangers want to be part of the conversation. Kat, I love you dearly and I am blessed to have you in my life! Oh, Rita (other sister), your important too.

We had just arrived at Las Vegas. Vegas Baby!

Remember above, where I said that my sister believes in "keeping it real", well the start of our Vegas experience was real alright. REAL BAD!

We tried to save money when planning the trip so we went with a local Las Vegas based rental car company. I knew the deal was just too good to be true! This was our first rental car… We were more than shocked when they told us that we needed to pay extra for the front tire!

Another brilliant move was to rent an "Off the Strip, Vegas time share". HUGE MISTAKE! This is the house we rented (again, shopping for a bargin is not always the best option). This place had no beds. The only furniture was the couch on the front porch. Ok, my sister and I are close, but not close enough to sleep together on a couch. So we did what the locals do, we went dumpster diving. Eureka, we found this gem of a lazy boy just down the street. Although the seat springs poked through, it was a great find. I still have scars on my ass from the stray spring popped through the fabric from when I initially sat down.

The next step was to get some outfits that would help us blend into the Vegas scene. It was by pure luck (it is Vegas afterall), that our rental car broke down (completely) across from the below haberdashery. Although they were closed for the day, we made the best of our fortune and posed with our boyz.

Gosh, pushing that piece of crap rental back to the slums tapped most of our energy and frankly, we had not really even begun to experience the glamour associated with being in Vegas. So after washing up and changing clothes, we checked out the happening club located down the street. It was highly recommended by the old man at the rental office. Well, the food was not worth mentioning, but damn, the entertainers were good. If I didn't know any better, I would have mistaken them for naked Firewomen by the way they went up and down those tall brass poles! I left there $20 lighter and with this strange rash on my leg. Hmmm. I really should get that checked out.

Determined that we would continue the great Vegas experience, we decided to visit a more highbrow establishment. We both stopped in our tracks when we came upon the below marquee. I knew I was home. After reminding my sister of who paid for the trip, she reluctantly agreed to walk in with me. I spent rest of the evening fending off horny loser after horney loser who all seemed to want my sister! For christ sakes, at the very least, don't approach my sister unless you have all your teeth! And I mean, in your mouth; in your pocket does not count!

Not that we did not accumulate enough memories or itchy rashes from Vegas, we felt that we needed some trinkets and souveniers to take home to forever commemorate this adventure. Gee, where ever will we find a store that sells really good souveniers, worthy of our grand wealth? We suddenly stumbled upon this billboard and our prayers to the spirit of Elvis were answered!

One real highlight of the trip was to relax in my own bar. Apparently, I must be a silent partner, because everytime I told a waitress that I owned the bar, they told me to shut up. Hmph. Bitches. Don't they recognize how money I am?

I suppose that is enough for now. More to come. I still have to share my stories and photos from our venture to the Grand Canyon.

DcLc

Winner... Winner... Not Even Enough For A Chicken Dinner

2005-10-14T06:06:00.000-07:00

I am back from Vegas and I have a ton of great stories and photos. I am swamped at the office so I will not get the chance to post until this weekend.

Thankfully, I am not an avid gambler so my losses were minimal. By the conclusion of my trip, I actually made a minor profit (see photo). Being that the Stratosphere Casino has to be the most white trash casino we visited, I feared that "Cashing In" my winnings voucher may actually break the bank. So for your entertainment I ate my profits!

My mom was right, I am not a loser...

DcLc

What's the refridgerated shelf life of Jello?

2005-10-07T11:38:00.000-07:00

Like two weeks ago, I made Jello for the first time in years. I was home feeling ill, and wanted something to eat. I went ahead and prepared a large bowl of Cherry Jello, with the intent of eating it later in the same night.

Since that afternoon, the bowl of Jello has been sitting in my fridge, right between the bottles of wine and beer. Every day I open the fridge looking for something to snack on, but Jello never seems to be all that appealing.

Its been two weeks, and I am really hungry. Being that I don't have any other food in the house, the Jello suddenly appears very appetizing. I have begun to administer the series of "is this food good/bad" tests. I have made the following observations:

Shake test - still jiggles like jello
Smell test - smells like Cherries
Color test - still appears to be red
Will the cat eat it test - Cat backed away after sticking her nose into the bowl

Well here's to science (raises spoon of jello to mouth) ~ mmmm. Tastes like chicken.

DcLc

Today's thought

2005-10-05T15:28:00.000-07:00

Blogger's are very 'Clickish'.

DcLc

2005-10-04T09:33:00.000-07:00

Todays Public Service MessageWhen passion overcomes you, maybe this public service message will remind you to keep it wrapped up.

DcLc

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It all started when I went for coffee...

2005-10-02T18:33:00.000-07:00

I haven’t had much time this last week to post, and I doubt that I will have much time to post this coming week, so this will be an uber post.

A word from this weeks wine sponsor~ Today’s blog entry is compliments of Charles Shaw Shiraz, California, 2004. I recently discovered this gem of a wine at Trader Joe’s. Can you imagine, a decent bottle of wine for $3.29 before tax! I am going to purchase at least 6 more bottles for my growing collection. At the rate that I am purchasing wine, this year I may just forego the traditional loud beer swilling party for a wine tasting! That’s its, a blind wine tasting. No bottle can be more than $9.00 before taxes, and we will have score cards to see which are keepers and which need to be drained! Any takers?

I am sitting in the Reston Cosi coffee shop where I am trying to complete my take home midterm. While I was initially seeking a place that I could sit in semi-silence without dramatic distraction, it appears that they have live entertainment. Todays musician is busy entertaining about 20 children with fun little nursery rhymes. Hilarious! Classics include “Itsy Bitsy Spider” and now he is singing “parents on the bus say ‘eat your pizza, eat your pizza, eat your Cosi pizza’ all the way to town-ah” Very rhythmic and the kids are dancing around to the quick strumming of the guitar. Very cute and playful.

Eureka! It appears that I have stumbled upon the goldmine of where beautiful women hangout and gossip. Cosi in Reston. Holy smokes, I am surrounded by babes. Geez, what to say? “Hi, I noticed that your enjoying some delicious smores. I must say, your toasted marshmallows are mouthwatering!” Hmm. I need to work on the coffee shop small talk. Seriously though, its intimidating to venture beyond my table to strike up a conversation. Especially since I am sitting behind my laptop, text books and huge coffee mug. I am really contemplating whether to approach a lovely lady that is about 5 tables from me. It’s not a total long-shot, we have been exchanging glances for about 5 minutes. She is dark skinned, with a slender face and a really encouraging smile. It appears that she may be a mother, as a young lady is with her. For most other men, this is a huge turnoff, but being 35, the women I meet are likely to have been married, have had children, and are now single parents. So, not a bid deal. I am suddenly overcome with nervousness, or is it the caffeine rush? I can’t tell, but my courage is shaken. Oh well, here goes!

Holy shit, it worked, well sort of. I walked up and introduced myself. As usual, my timing stinks. As soon as I got up from my table, their food was placed before them Too late, I entered no mans land, the torpedo has been launched, must engage… I now find myself kneeling beside her table just as she bites into her sandwich! Argh! Beside being startled, and vulnerable, the women appeared to be flattered and very receptive. After I introduced myself, and explained that although I am preoccupied trying to complete my midterm this evening, I would never forgive myself for not introducing myself. She smiled/giggled, put her hand out, and introduced her self as Carmen. Politely she then introduced me to her daughter, who appeared to be 12 years old. She acknowledged my offer to have coffee, and parroted my comment that I am currently preoccupied with my school work. But, after a quick moment of contemplation, she then explained where she works as a hairdresser. She coyly continued to say that I should stop by sometime and she repeated her name. I said that I would. With that, I smiled genuinely, pardoned the interruption, and I retreated to my table. Overall, I really don’t believe that I was blown off, but then again, maybe I was.

Update – 15 minutes have passed, and she just got up from her table, began to walk away, then turned and waved good bye to me~

Ladies, your critique please.

DcLc

Some of my favorite travel photos

2005-09-26T19:16:00.000-07:00

Sorry, hardly any time to write this week as school is kicking into overdrive. So, for your viewing pleasure, over the next week I will post a couple of my favorite photos from my travels abroad. Its easy to understand why people completely dedicate themselves to photography. For me, these photos trigger so many memories of extraordinary people and places.

This was the educational facility that we used to deliver training in Rabat, Morocco. Name aside, they were very generous hosts.

The remaining photos were taken while on safari on the Masi Mara in Kenya. The Masi tribe were fascinating people and the kids were so inquisitive. I can't wait to return.

DcLc

Vegas Baby! Vegas!

2005-09-22T21:05:00.000-07:00

In celebration of completing what I hope will be the first and last time I take my graduate degree comprehensive exams, I have scheduled a trip to Vegas. That’s right baby, Vegas!

While I don’t leave for another 19 days, I am getting totally ramped up! I haven’t even left home and I have already spent nearly $1,000 for this vacation. I opted to for a mediocre hotel on the strip, but I have few plans/needs for the room. I am about to secure tickets to the Blue Man Show, Zumanity, George Carlin and if time (money) permits, Elton John (sister’s request). The shows alone will be a riot. Not to mention all the incredible clubs that Vegas has to offer. One in particular that I have to experience is ICE (see photo).

Also, it is in the plan to check out the Grand Canyon and the Joshua Tree forest. Also, I hope to get some dam photos as I cross the famous Hoover Dam.

I was so excited to book my trip tonight, I did not leave time to craft a great blog entry, so check back, this post will likely improve over the weekend.

Yeah Baby, Vegas. Maybe I will really be fortunate and see Burt Bacharach on a tour bus.

DcLc

Foreplay, suddenly an after thought?

2005-09-20T19:38:00.000-07:00

Foreplay, the tantalizing physical contact between partners just before getting really naughty. It seems like a lost art and often by passed up in the those relationships where time is critical or when the players put their needs first. I attribute much of this decay in the foray of softcore sex to the porn industry. Unfortunately, the porno scenarios are a bit unrealistic and they make me ridiculously jealous. One such fictitious scene may go like this:

Pizza delivery guy walks up to the dimly lit patio and rings the bell with his free hand. In turn, the front door swings open revealing a six foot voluptuous brunette, adorning a petit black satin robe, which is daintily covering her subtle bronzed breasts. The pizza guy clears his throat and manages to utter “its $9.50”. The woman, pleased by the mountain of a man with a chisled face that poses before her, arm flexed holding the pie out on the palm of his hand. While she unconsciously her hips begin to slowly glide from side to side, she lowers her chin, her bangs cascade forward coming to rest on her cheeks, and alluringly confesses in a soft voice, "Oh, I only have $5.00." Without hesitation, the hero steps forward maneuvering his free arm around the woman’s trim waist and pulls her tight to the buldge in his cotton pants, and whispers, “Well, maybe we can just working something out…” Moments later, with the pizza box discarded on the porch beside their clothes, our fair maiden is pressed up against the oak door, as he penetrates her with his immense… Sausage pizza anyone?

Ok, you get the point. Just writing the above passage makes me want to get busy. And that’s what foreplay is all about, isn’t. The journey of heightening your partners primal urges, to increase the sexual tension shared between two lovers who want to become intertwined. Playtime continues until both parties have peeled one another’s clothing off and can’t wait to indulge in the next level of pleasure. But it seems that this whole experience is all to often tossed to the side. This is especially true for those just looking to get their fix. Which is great, if your indulging in foreplay other times. But sometimes, you just need to get back to the basics.

Movie Quote of the Weekend

2005-09-18T00:41:00.000-07:00

Just got done watching a great action movie (released in 1999). The last line of the movie was:

"We made a deal. If she stopped hooking, I would stop shooting people." "Maybe we aimed high."

To the person who can name the movie, they will recieve a bag of Orville Redenbacher's Gourmet Microwave popcorn!

DcLc

Puffy Clouds and Happy Little Trees

2005-09-17T00:03:00.000-07:00

Today, while visiting my company headquarters, another employee and I entered the company kitchen. A small room, with a counter running the entire right side and rear of the room, a few tables and corresponding chairs. As she placed her materials on the far counter, she stepped back and few feet and just began staring at the framed painting against the wall. She just shook her head and said “This is just terrible art”. It was only then that I bothered to take in the visual that bestow before me. The painting was of a vase with long flower stems, large circular bulbs and then beside the vase and flowers, there was a bowl of the same round objects in several shades of light colors. What was so profound was that the circular objects in the bowel were identical as the ones on the stems. In any case, it was a strange visual. Our conversation then moved onto the critique of art in general and those artists that have had the greatest influence in our lives. It was she who sparked my memory of Bob Ross. She asked “Who was that painter guy who on TV who always looked like he was stoned?” No further description was required, she had to be talking about Bob Ross. Probably one of most visual identifiable artisans of our time. PBS! Ross would captivate viewers every weekend with his magical strokes of the paint brush and the softly spoken words, “Puffy clouds, oh yeah, that’s it. And now we just need a few happy little trees....” Etc. Along the same lines, I once heard a comedian making fun of Ross. I recall the skit to go something like “Oh yesssss… puffy clouds….. oh that’s it… lets just paint a few happy little trees… and a little stream, just like that…. Oh yeah, ok, now between the trees, lets go ahead and show the Vietcong, oh, can you see them hiding… oh, its an ambush…” It was quite funny.

In 1994, the masterful painter left this world and as a result the painting of life was shorted one color in the spectrum. Ok, maybe totally over dramatic, but hey, its PBS.

During a little research about the late Bob, I found the following quote, "We don't make mistakes here, we just have happy accidents. We want happy, happy paintings. If you want sad things, watch the news. Everything is possible here. This is your little universe." So when things are getting you down, just think of puffy clouds and happy little trees.

2005-09-13T08:26:00.000-07:00

Cat Scratch FeverI was searching through several of my recent photo experiences from abroad and I came accross this recent gem. The hand you will see is my own. I was petting a full grown Chetah. This experience rates as one of my most memorable ever.

Kenya was amazing! I can't wait to return.

DcLc

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"Aisle 9, Price Check on Trojan's! Thank you"

2005-09-11T09:51:00.000-07:00

Last Thursday night I was summonsed to a lady friend’s house to "watch a movie". Recognizing the subtle invitation for sex (she doesn't own a television), I went through my traditional pre-"I'm going to have sex tonight" routine. Everyone has one, mine is probably like many other middle aged men, with variation, it goes something like this:  

Take a shower and scrub everything. Bonus points for using some fru foo Bed and Bath smelly stuff.  

Look in mirror and ask my self "Should I shave?" Yes you idiot, you must.

Go to the basement and root around in the pile of the recently washed laundry, in search of some clean boxers.

Feed cat, you likely won’t return until daylight.

Finish dressing.

Open fridge, stare at the three items within, bottle of ketchup, jar of pickles, and bottle of German Riesling. Close fridge. Grab hand full of Doritos.

Grab keys, credit card and condom’s. Head out the door.

On this last Thursday night, I discovered that I was out condoms. I was protection-less. Doomed if I didn’t come prepared. Thank god for the Safeway by her place.

Now we are at the meat of this post. Shopping for adult protection, jimmies, raincoats, love sleeves, you know condoms. Why is it even when we are grown up that we have some ominous internal embarrassment to purchase condoms? It’s so ingrained in our psyche that we should somehow try to camouflage the purchase. You know, you’ve seen it, the guy with a basket with a bottle of salad dressing, a grapefruit and CONDOMS.

Based on the contents of my fridge, you can tell I am past the camoflage stage. I have actually reached the ‘show off stage’ (duh, this post!). I am all about getting in and getting out. I could swear that after I grabbed the economy pack on Aisle 9 and began to strut like John Travolta toward the bank of cashiers, the Bee Gee’s song that goes “You can tell by the way I walk, I’m a ladies man”, began crackling over the store intercom. I think I even saw the male cashier wink at me, but I was not to keen about continuing my eye contact, so I am not sure of what I saw.

So this got me thinking about all the funny ways that I have previously camoflaged these purchases. The best I can recall are:

A bunch of flowers, a bottle of Fat Bastard wine, a tin of Altoids and Trojans. My second favorite was the combination of whipped cream in a can, Herseys chocolate sauce and condoms. That was a night to remember.

Finally, for the few of you with a sick humor, imagine duct tape, latex gloves, laundry cord, and condoms…

DcLc

Monday... I mean Thursday Night Football

2005-09-08T23:10:00.000-07:00

Tonights blog sponsors are Tostitos and 2004 Monsieur Touton, Sauvignon Bordeaux (very classy label, but once again, fooled).

Just sitting on the couch with my cool cat and watching Monday, oh I mean, Thursday Night Football. Not being a consummate football fan, I will limit my comments to the following random thoughts which are based on the variety of game plays and halftime commercials:

Randy Moss, total un-classy ass. Yet, tremendously and inequitably talented…

Gina Davis?! Commander in Chief! Are you kidding, is this a sign to come? Can you say Hillary? Ok, before you begin to believe that I am against a woman president, I’m not. I just have a personal beef with Mrs. Clinton. Again, my opposition is limited to Hilary, not a female president…

Jimmy Kimmel in a suit? What happened to the football jerseys and hats? He is now sporting clean and combed hair?! What happened to the old Jimmy? Man, he has really gone to the big leagues. I am sure that he is filling the older demographic in the void of such legends as Johnny Carson and Red Skeleton! Seriously, he has really succeeded in his career as a late night comedian, so I will cut him some slack.

The Lexus 400h. The first SUV Hybrid that I have seen advertised. I can’t imagine how many will be sold in the next year based upon the dualism of being an SUV and gas economic.

Wow, Warren Sapp, 32 years of age now playing for the Raiders. That guy is an animal.

Ok, that’s enough for the moment. I really need to spring a few bucks more on decent wine, because this stuff is making my head hurt. I am a sucker for a sale price on wine.

DcLc

Wham... Bam... Thank You Ma'am!

2005-09-04T18:09:00.000-07:00

Last Friday I read the following passage:

"In Life, you will not get what you want.
You will not get what you "deserve".
You will only get what the energies you can create and connect with."

Motivated by this simple passage, I mounted the Harley and toured my way to Dewey Beach, Delaware.

No preparations, no plans, no agenda. Only knowing where I could park my hog, and stow my gear for the night, the rest of the evening was still to be revealed. The drink of choice (seemingly only choice) was copious quantities of Miller Lite. Watching the bobbing heads of the crowd as they moved and grooved to some great cover bands. One notable band was Mr Green Jeans! These guys were really talented which was obvious by the surging and jumping members of the crowd.

After walking, tripping and stumbling between several bars just off the strip, I found refuge in the Rusty Rudder. After moving about for a bit, and bobbing my head like every other guy in the bar, feeling like I was a bottle on the ocean, just drifting with the swells and waves. But then it happened, she appeared. Well, actually, she had been there all along; just not in complete focus. Well, the rest is worthy of chronicling, however, I think I have said enough... It was a great encounter and forever a vivid memory.

Needless to say, the journey home on the bike today was a challange of its own. 1) Trying to keep the broad grin off my face because I kept getting bugs in my teeth. 2) Trying to maintain concentration when my head was still pounding like a bass drum. 3) Trying to figure out how I get home since I never had directions or a map in the first place. And finally, 4) How did I never recognize that the girl had a jugular?! Ok, totally kidding about #4, I just needed something funny for a closure.

DcLc

Dorothy Needs Your Help!

2005-09-01T12:46:00.000-07:00

Alright, under the pressure of dcsportschick, I am motivated to post... So please help Dorothy find her way home.

The local and international news is completely overwhelmed by Katrina, the killer storm. So on a lighter note, I am going to represent the needs of Dorothy Lamour. Yes, the 1940's movie star Dorothy Lamour.

In my previous life, I was a police officer. During my time, I worked for a great supervisor named Andy Sentipal. While I managed to cut and run to greener pastures, Andy remains faithful to the department (for Andy retirement is only a few years away).

Back in 2004, while I was a burglary detective, we received a DNA hit on a cigarette butt collected from a burglary scene that had occurred at the Rippon Lodge (County property) a few years prior. The investigation revealed that the burglar, identified by his DNA which was collected as a result of a later arrest as an adult, had stolen a painting of the 1940's popular movie star Dorothy Lamour. The painting was so alluring to the burglar because Dorothy was nude. The suspect was interviewed and subsequently confessed to the burglary, however denied knowing where the painting currently was.

Despite the fact that the painting had been stolen over 2 years prior, the department had ordered the immediate follow up on this case, which resulted in an estimated 40 hours of overtime so that we could serve several search warrants within the County in effort to recover the painting. Meanwhile, active burglary cases had to be set aside to deal with this dastardly theft. Again, the painting had been stolen approximately 2 years prior! Worse, when Dorothy failed to surface locally, a pair of detectives were dispatched to West Virginia to search the residence where the suspect had lived since the burglary. Unfortunately, that search failed to lead us to Dorothy. However, during the time the Detectives were in West Virginia, Dorothy sent Lt. Sentipal a post card pleading for him to find her in West Virginia.

Since that initial card, post cards from Dorothy have been received from a variety of states to include Kentucky and California and from several countries to include Pakistan, Thailand, The Philippines, and several other exotic locations. Two years ago, Dorothy had sent at least 13 post cards!

Please help Dorothy be found by sending a card to Andy at the below address:

Lt. Andy Sentipal
15948 Donald Curtis Drive
Woodbridge, VA 22191

Traditionally, Dorothy would entice Andy to find her in the locale the card is from, and of course it would be signed by Dorothy herself. A red lipstick kiss on the card was not too much. Note that Dorothy would never use any rude language or cause any type of disrespect. Afterall, Dorothy only wanted to be found. Rumor has it, a website may be developed in honor of all the cards that he receives... stay tuned for the Dorothy Revival.

Please take the time to help Dorothy be found by sending a card giving poor Andy a clue of where she seems to be visiting.

P.s. Don't mention how you heard about this cause.

Thanks, DcLc

Something snappy forthcoming

2005-08-27T16:03:00.000-07:00

Hey, for those who occasionally pop in and read what's up on my blog, thank you. I should have another captivating thread in the next couple of days. Just been too busy to sit and type coherently.

Some of the topics I have been meaning to write about:

*The movie 40 year old virgin (hiliarious)
*How people at work remind me of various fish/sealife species (the blow fish, the octopus, crabs, sharks, etc.)
*My great experience salsa dancing the other night

Hmmm. No wonder I am not so anxious to write anything.

Check back soon. I seem to be under construction.

Crack of dawn television viewing pleasure

2005-08-21T15:42:00.000-07:00

Friday nights are usually my decompression nights. Working late, attending courses and hang with friends during the first part of the week leaves me worn the hell out by Friday night. This last night was no different. After consuming a Domino's pizza (from this point on... yuck) and a bottle of shiraz-cabernet, I was totally dazed and confused. Being in no capacity to leave the house I laid limp on the couch with only enough energy and motivation to click through about 80 cable channels until I settled on some strange movie, I think it was one of the planet of the apes movies.

Anyway, I was awoken around 4 AM by this aweful voice. The voice was of a hidious looking elder woman on some infomercial. I think the commercial was for some type of laxatives or natural bowel cleanser... Some self absorbed doctor was also with this women trying to pitch this aweful product. Click....

The next series of clicks of the remote took me on a journey of gym equipment. They were selling the BoFlex, Chuck Norris was pushing his equipment, and most notable to me was the big ball. I probably stopped on this commercial the longest because one of the celebrity hosts/models was Brooke Burke. Wow, fake boob's never looked so appealing!

As I continued to my tour of the television spam, I saw everything thing from floor sweepers and cleaning solutions to making millions in real estate, to vitamins and of course Girls Gone Wild videos.

Haven't we had enough of the Girls Gone Wild video series? Apparently not. On at least three seperate channels, they were hocking three different videos. I applaud the two guys for creating the series and promoting it so well. However, at 35, I cringe everytime I see an 18-19 year old drop her top. It seems borderline creepy, at least for me. Remembering back when I was in my 20's, I am sure I would be tossing off to these videos non-stop. Maybe the part I hate the most about those commercials is that when every girl drops her top, she has to scream or squeal abnoxiously. Note - If I was actually there, not just watching a video, I would totally be into it. Now, when they start filming 25-30 year olds, I am totally there.

I finally called it quits when I landed on Ron Jeremy selling natural male enhancement drugs. Its amazing to me how he ever reached the level of notoriety that he acheived. The man is a total gross pig. Anyway, that was the final click before I shut down the boob-tube and rolled back over on the couch.

These infommercials must be working otherwise they wouldn't bother to keep producing them. Man, I wish I had thought of that.

Hmmm.

Voice Mail Relationships

2005-08-19T22:02:00.000-07:00

Just about everyone I know has a cell phone these days. Although, I do know a couple of folks who do not. Over the last six months or so, I am realizing that many of my once close friends have developed into voice mail relationships. It used to be that when my friends and I had not as much responsibility we would pickup the phone any time it rang. However, todays professional and social environments have curbed this behavior. As a result, when I place a call to a friend, I fully anticipate communicating with their voice mail, to the point where I begin to mentally script that days message as I scroll through my phone directory. On occasion I actually get through and I find my self with only 30 seconds of material before I have to revert to traditional, "so, what's new" or "how was your day", meanwhile I am quickly trying to get the proverbial train of thought to leave the station...

What about when you try to call that number from the person you met a few days prior. What type of message is appropriate? "Hi again, uh, it was nice meeting you the other day, I look forward to hearing from you..." or "Hey, what's going on? Listen, I am going out to grab a beer and some pizza, just wondering if you care to join me?" Bear with me, I am going with the safe simple approach here.

Voice mail, while intended to be tool to ensure that the receiver gets the message, has become a subtle method for giving the sender the message. The message I am referring to is "go away, don't call again". I wonder if anyone has gone to the length of actually saying that in their default message. If I were to do that, it would sound like "If this is the third time you have called within 48 hours and I have not responded, then kindly don't call back. Thanks and have a great day!" Sounds silly, but your doing a public service. No one wants to receive the incessant series of voice mails from a stray interest. I think it was Winston Churchill who once said of public speaking "Be short. Be concise. Be seated." Maybe by using such a voice mail message, you could ward off a lot of those clingons.

It seems that getting the digits is only half of the battle. Sealing the deal over the phone is the remaining 50%. The saga of being taken serious continues.

Hmmm.

Body Language - Can anyone decipher it?

2005-08-18T23:45:00.000-07:00

I used to be a big fan of trying to read and react to body language. In my previous career, I became pretty good at interpreting the body language of those I interviewed. I attribute my successes to being able to eliminate some of the variables that often fog the signals of body language. My two primarily methods were to select a location and time for the interview. A huge advantage for me.

However, being outside a of controlled environment in a social capacity, I fear that I may be missing or misinterepting the non-verbal clues that others are sending. According to the book, SuperFlirt, by Tracey Cox, some of the signs of a women's interest in a man include:

-She's crossed her legs at the thighs.
-The double twist. Described as "she twines one leg around so her foot crosses behind her calf and also the ankle".
-She keeps crossing and uncrossing her legs.
-She's kicking one leg up and down, while crossed, or dangling a shoe from her toes.
-She slips her foot slightly out of her shoe.

Other subtle flirting fundamentals include:
-She begins to expose her wrists.
-Their fingers curled around the stem of a glass.
-As the conversation progresses, they spend more time looking at the man's mouth while he is talking to her.
-They lightly stroke their outer thigh (eyes tend to follow fingers). Meaning they are subconciously teasing the person watching.
-She starts massaging her neck.
-She'll dart short, repetitive glances your way.
-She looks straight at you and flips or tosses her hair (my favorite)!
-She'll fidget with her clothes.

The author goes on with several other hints/observations/tips.

Is any of this accurate? Please share your perspectives. Any funny stories of guys/girls just not getting it?

First Posting...

2005-08-14T11:15:00.000-07:00

Ok, my first crack at this...

My parents are visiting me from Wisconsin so I have had the "pleasure" of entertaining them for the last couple of days. Man, i am exhausted. Both my parents are totally high maintenance, personality-wise. My Dad is all about getting the attention when he wants it. He is an avid videographer so gets very upset if I don't watch his myrid of videos when he wants to watch them. Then I have my great mom, who is very sweet, but damn she talks to much! Typically, when I get a sentance in, she feels compelled to carry the conversation on for about 20 minutes without interuption. It gets worse when I am driving them around in the car. Its like being in IMax Theatre. I get the visual of driving, while my father in the passenger seat bitches about how the roads in America can not compare with the well built roads of Switzerland.... Meanwhile, my mom is in the back seat prattling on about the weather... Argh. I almost drove into a tree to stop the madness. Wait... As I type, my mom is holding a conversation with my cat! God I love my parents.

Well, at least my home is now totally spot free! My parents keep their abode super clean, so they went into "freak out and clean their son's house" mode. Again, a perk of their visit.

Love them both, but they gotta go!